I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
