The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
