I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
