He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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