Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize