Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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