smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
