I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize