So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
