My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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