I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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