you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Alive.
So much puke
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
