I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
