just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i would punch a child for taco bell
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
