he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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