I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
