when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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