he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
