he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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