My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
