I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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