We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
