Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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