Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I would ride that face into the sunset
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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