Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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