did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
