Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
