Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
