Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
