I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
