who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dick has a subreddit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
