Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize