I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
