Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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