I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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