I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
