Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
