I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
