Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize