My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
