It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
