She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize