She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
