Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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