im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
