btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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