Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
