In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
