my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
