You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
