i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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