I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
