yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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