we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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