Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
that may or may not have been my penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
