make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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