It's Friday. Sex?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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