I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
