She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
