the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize