the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize