Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
