you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
