Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
