i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
