Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
