You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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