wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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